Some of the things we discussed were pre-marital sex, co-habitation, divorce rates, the number of people living alone, and children being born to unmarried women. It is amazing how all these things seem to connect and contribute to the family dynamics we have today. A few weeks ago, I was watching a video--I don't remember who was speaking--and he was discussing the family. He said that children in my generation have been "dealt a bad hand". We had parents entering the workforce increasingly, relationships that aren't as close, smaller families, and parents who gave us everything so when we entered the workforce and were not ready for it--our confidence went down. He said we have the lowest self esteem of any generation. I thought that an intriguing thought.
When I started this class, the first thing we read about was emotions--specifically the need for social interaction to function healthily and loneliness, I myself have anxiety and depression. It comes and goes, but I have moments everyday where I know that I need to go be around someone or I'm going to feel worse. I'm thankful that at this time I have wonderful roommates. In the past, when I've been lonely or hurt or unsure of why I feel bad--I'll call my sisters. But one thing I am sure of--WE NEED LOVE. We need other people. God made us that way! Just like wolves survive in packs and other animals are loners--we were made this way. It is a fundamental need.
Out of all these trends there is one that makes me pretty sad. While I one hundred percent support working mothers, the amount of women leaving children under 6 years old in daycare while they work has gone up tremendously. Studies have linked higher self-esteem and confidence with those who have a close relationship with their mothers and teachers. Interesting right? I'm curious to delve into more details of these studies one of these days--but I wonder if our desire to work is having a negative effect on our children. Do we work because the world tells us we need to, for more money, or out of necessity? Often, we can do nothing about it--we often don't have a choice.
Do some of us choose the desire for more money over quality time with our family?
Why do we belittle the stay-at-home mom?
How do outsiders opinions affect our view of raising a family?
While many of us think that during the Baby Boom everyone had 10 children--that number is quite wrong. On average, the number of children being born to a woman in her lifetime was 3.7. We always think of this time period as when our population increased like crazy. It did. But we started to worry. Why? The family is sometimes all I sit and think about. My family now. My future family. My friend's families. The family dynamics of the world nowadays. It can all be a bit overwhelming at times. We studied trends that are connected to marriage and family as well as The Population Bomb this week. It was startling to see all the things that can contribute to the rise or fall of a the healthy family in society. I realize that just because one thing happened doesn't mean it caused another--but there is some interesting evidence for these trends. It would take me hours to talk to about everything I learned this week, but I’ve attached a link to the documentary we watched this week below, if anyone is interested.
In 1968, The Population Bomb was published. It said that big families are detrimental to the environment and our future. We won’t have any food left to feed the world if we have big family! The world will be a dump of a place. How will society function when there isn’t room to walk around or water to drink?
The fact is, having children didn’t contribute itself to the growth of population. After World War II, the increase in effective healthcare practices and technology has almost doubled our life span. Not only are there babies being born, but people are living longer--of course the population is going to be higher. Sadly, studies also show that because we are having less children, when the population spikes, and the adults who were boom during the Baby Boom die, the population will start declining. The U.S. is one of few countries who has a fertility replacement rate that is high enough to keep the population steady. AND--for all of those people who hate immigrants or dislike them coming into the country--it’s only because of their contributions in big families, that we even have a replacement rate high enough to keep our population stable. Go figure!
Unfortunately, The Population Bomb has had a lasting effect upon our view of families. I find it sad that, being based off opinion and visual observation, one man’s comparison of the entire planet to a third world Calcutta, sparked a change in the world view of the family. I heard interviews where people said “Stop having big families so the few children you do have can have food” or “The opportunities for those in big families will be much less.” What is going on?! This kind of hurts my heart a bit. I have a big family, lots of skeletons in the closet, grudges, and quite a bit of dysfunctionality in places. But I wouldn’t give up my large family for the world. I have grown up learning things from each of my siblings and growing because of it. Some of them have helped me make decisions to be more responsible so I can handle my money better, other have helped me through being a bad example, or for being there for me when I needed someone. I learned life lessons. Big families are good!
While I don’t believe every family is meant to be large, and many people cannot have children, I hope that we take the time to consider the spirits of those children that are waiting in the pre-mortal life. They would like to come down and have the same opportunity to live and learn and grow, as we do. Something striking hit me at the end of our last class. Our professor gave us the opportunity to discuss the question:
“If you decide not to have a child, do they get another chance to be born?”
My partner and I both decided that of course, God will let that child be born into another family, if we aren’t ready to bear that child at the time, or if we feel we want to wait to have children. Every soul will get the opportunity to come down.
My professor then quoted an apostle and said something along the lines of “If you will not open up your homes and hearts to those spirits waiting to be born into a good family, then you leave them the chance of being born into a wicked one.”
I’ve never thought about it like that and it made my desire to have a big family seem more important. What I didn’t realize before is, we can be the ones to make sure that our children get the same opportunities WE had growing up. While everyone is born into this life, as promised, we don’t all get the same opportunities in our mortal lives to learn and grow.
I believe that solemn prayer is needed when deciding to raise a family. Not only do we need to prepare ourselves, but we also need to be open to the personalities, difficulties, and changes that will alter and enrich our lives when we do start having children. While I’m not married, I know marriage is difficult. But it can be an enriching and learning experience. I know that the world-view of what we should do with our lives is often the easier way. Having less children means more money for you and for your children. The only thing about that is--material things and opportunities can never make up for the social, loving connection of family members. God intended for our families to enrich our lives, but it is up to us what we make of the time we have with them. Burden or Strength? I hope you’ll think about it.
For those interested in watching the documentary we watched in class, it is listed here in 2 parts.
Demographic Winter Part 1
Demographic Winter Part 2
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