I had the unique opportunity to participate in a role play this week. In preparation for class, we were asked to read a document that talked about undocumented families, the average cost of deciding to come to America, the dangers, and the changes in the family that can be seen as time and space apart changes things.

On average it takes $4000 for each person to cross the border. For a family of 4, that's $12,000.They often have to try multiple times if they are deported or if the coyotes transporting them are dishonest and take their money without fulfilling their end of the bargain. Some die on the journey. You can only take what you have on your person. The more money you have the more likely you are to die. On average, it takes about 3 years to make enough money to relocate a family of this size to the U.S.

In this role play we initially had a nuclear family from Mexico: father, mother, son, and daughter. We also had an aunt and uncle, their child (cousin), and their grandma. I played the grandma in this situation.

We stood in front of the class for 45 minutes and gave our perspective of the situation presented and answered questions as if we were the family. The father of the family had decided that he would go to America to raise money for his wife and kids to join him in the U.S. He figured it would take about 6 months. So he took the dangerous trip to the U.S.,crossing the border illegally. The children were an 11 year old daughter and 15 year old son. The mother started working while Dad was gone and so did the son. The daughter spent a lot of time with her cousin. The aunt and uncle took on a lot of family responsibility to help take care of their sister and her kids. Grandma watched the children and played more of a parent role than a grandma role. Three years went by and the wife and 2 kids were finally able to join their Dad. Though less willing than they were at the start, they went. Thankfully, the coyotes kept their end of the deal, and the dangerous trip to the U.S. worked out alright.

When asked how I felt as a grandma, watching my family leave for possibly forever--I'm not gonna lie--I felt heartbreak.

My professor said, "How do you feel Grandma?--watching them leave?"

Me: "I feel like all my posterity is dying. I'll probably never see them again."

It got kind of quiet as my professor pondered that idea for a second.

Professor: "I've never even thought about it like that. You most likely won't ever see them again."

Putting all politics and prejudices aside that anyone might have for Mexican families that come into the U.S. illegally--I felt the struggle putting myself in the middle of that scenario. How hard to separate yourselves and dedicate all you have, even your peace and tranquility as a family, to make a better life for your children. I think everyone involved felt the reality of what some may go through when they try to come into the U.S. to make a better life.

As we continued with the role play, we saw how much the family dynamic had changed and how things weren't as easy as they predicted, The father who was once a man who took charge and oversaw other workers, was now on the low end of the ranks. The mother had to continue to work instead of being at home with her children all while adjusting to the father being the head of the household again. The aunt and uncle eventually came over from Mexico with their daughter, and everyone was living together. Without much privacy, the stress built. The children struggled to find friends at school because they didn't know how to speak English. There are so many things that altered the way the family was before. I can't imagine how hard it is.

My parents separated when I was 9 year old. I know what it's like to have a change in dynamic. After the separation we relocated well over 15 times before I graduated high school. It was hard to establish relationships and feel secure. I didn't have a dad for those years. While I now have an established relationship with my dad, I feel for these families. When one family member is misplaced--it changes everything.

I know that we have many goals for our family and it doesn't always work out like we planned. Although I'm not endorsing anyone moving into any country illegally, I know that our Heavenly Father is happy with our efforts to take care of our family. Sometimes we have to do hard things. I'm grateful that I won't ever need to feel the need to sneak into another country to create a better life for my children. But I'm sure that I will be asked to do many hard things as a parent in the future. I honestly pray for the strength often to make the right decisions so that I can affect my future family in the most positive of ways.

Seeing life from a grandma's point of view for just a minute, I felt the importance of leaving a healthy, successful family behind--and honestly--the hope of feeling loved and appreciated by them while I'm still here. I hope I can reach out to my elder family members and let them know how appreciative I am of them, even in their critical times. Sometimes it's hard not to be selfish and to remember that we are here because of them. When is the last time you called you mom, grandma, grandfather, father, uncle, aunt? Because of them we are here! Show some love. Appreciate. One day they'll be gone.

"The Earth will be smitten with a curse unless there is a welding link of some kind or other between the fathers and the children..." --D&C 128:18