Why are we attracted to people who are total jerks? What is it that we find so "great" about them? The term "misattribution of arousal" is something I did not know about until this week. This is when we associate the adrenaline rush we are feeling with feelings of love. Research has shown that when put in situations where we feel adrenaline(such as a haunted house, a roller coaster, or even viewing 20 minutes of war footage)--women are more likely to rate men as 2 points more attractive, on a scale of 1-10, whereas before they had rated them lower. Studies have literally shown that when shown a picture before an exciting amusement ride and afterwards, this phenomenon was happening. But it was almost entirely happening to women! Wow! I look back on the dates I've had, the experiences with men, and even just the confusion I've had over exciting guy "friends" who I wasn't sure if I liked or not--and I see this!

Something that I believe feeds this is the media. The movies and the music all tend to paint an exciting, adventurous guy as the one who gets our hearts pumping. Seems to me, that sometime what's pumping through our hearts isn't love, but an adrenaline rush that we mistake for it. My professor even said he knew a guy would purposely take girls on long, exciting dates the first date to make them like him more because he knew this was a real effect on us.

A few days ago, I ordered the book "How to Avoid Falling in Love With a Jerk". Why? Because this is a tendency I have found trapped by for my entire dating life. He speaks much truth in this book--please read it! I'm only 3 chapters in, but I already feel like I'm finding out why I've fallen for jerks time and time again. Not every guy I've liked has been a jerk, but there have always been things that have kept it from lasting. I know that there is a person out there for me--I'm actually quite the catch. Many of us are, but we start to feel as though we aren't because our track record shows us with the same type of guy or girl over and over and over again.

In order to break the pattern, we must look to ourselves first--aren't we the common denominator? Van Epp said something that I really appreciate, "Fix yourself first, or your unresolved emotional problems will disrupt both your choice of a partner and the relationship you establish." Regardless of how healthy we seem to others, I believe everyone has things they need to work on and some have things in their past they haven't resolved. If we can recognize the patterns, or the "why" of our actions, I feel we can better understand why we keep going in the wrong direction. Are we misleading ourselves? I know that in the past, I felt that opposites attract. Lately I've realized how refreshing it is to meet someone who has things in common with me! How great is it to feel comfortable in your own skin.

Dating is tough and falling in love is even rougher, but there is hope out there. I believe we need to take things into our own hands if we are to figure out our love lives--but that we should seek direction from someone who knows better. In my personal life, I can confidently say that God has directed my paths. I've had many a situation where I wanted to date someone, but felt so wrong about it, and couldn't explain why. Later on, I found out many reasons why said people would have been bad for me, or even toxic. There is One who is all-knowing. He sees all and can help all who come unto Him. If you're having a rough time, give a shout out to your Father in Heaven. He's cheering you on and wants to help guide you in finding an eternal partner. He won't do everything for you, but as we take little steps to understand ourselves better, we will open up our hearts to receive revelation and LOVE

How To Avoid Falling in Love With a Jerk

Looking Through Rose-colored Glasses by Rachel Segura, '17