Isn't it better to plan the wedding together instead of letting the mothers and daughters do it? Shouldn't the Father be in the delivery room comforting the struggling mom, instead of someone else? What is it about having children that can make marriage satisfaction levels decrease?

These are all questions that, to be honest, I never actually thought about. There are so many traditions, cultures, and social norms that we accept. It's a wonder that we don't ponder if there are better ways.

The first things we discussed this week was planning the wedding together. A lot of girls actually plan their wedding with their mothers. This time is bonding time and is best used to draw closer to your husband.

• How much can you afford to spend? 
• Do you want to enter marriage indebted to your parents, someone else, or do you want to create a budget you can afford yourself? 
• What kind of ceremony do you want? 
• How can this planning process apply to your preparation for marriage? 

If all these questions are talked over with the mother or mother-in-law, or sister planning the wedding--how does the husband feel? How much further away do we become from our future spouse before we even tie the knot? I'd say that this is one of the most pivotal times for couples to prepare and to overcome challenges as they stress and prepare for their wedding day.

Another problem is that the only thing a lot of newlyweds think about prior to the wedding is the wedding itself. Preparation for the actual marriage is forgotten. It can be very difficult and involves a lot of teamwork and communication.

• What kind of relationship are we going to have with our extended family? 
• How are we going to spend our money? 
• Are you someone who needs space when they sleep or are you a cuddler? 
• How are we going to overcome disagreements when we have an argument or a misunderstanding? 

It's important to set the stage for how the marriage will run before you enter into that contract. It can save time, hurt, and a lot of pain if you talk it out beforehand instead of trying to struggle through it afterwards. While every marriage will have it's rough times, regardless of preparation, laying a firm groundwork for trust can ease the adjustment and help you become stronger as a couple.

The same principles for these two ideas apply to the questions I asked at the beginning of this blog post. Sacred moments in a marriage should be thought out and planned together. Time, effort, and love should be communicated to each other before and after major changes in a relationship or marriage. Who will be int the delivery room, how you will raise your children, what you will apply from your own rearing experience, how involved the extended members of the family will be in raising your children, and how you will make time and support each other as equal parents is important to keeping a marriage alive and healthy during it's growing years.

I feel that just like we go to our Heavenly Father for guidance with everything else--we communicate with Him--our spouse deserves the same. We must communicate with our spouses and sometimes, set boundaries with other members of the family, in order to create our own heaven at home. We have many expectations of each other, some that the other person may not know about. Letting them know about these expectations and needs and working together to be the best you can be is the ideal way to form a marriage. I know healthy family relationships are built on trust, love, equality, a love for the Lord, and mutual understanding. Lean upon your Father in Heaven when things are hard, but remember that He gave you your spouse to lean on, too. Help each other and be open. You will find miracles can happen continually throughout your lifetime together.