Sex education & sexuality--the importance of explaining what a healthy relationship is.

          Isn't this something we often overlook when we consider approaching our children about the "birds and the bees"? I feel that if you ask most adolescents and young adults about the reason for post-poning sex, they will most likely tell you because they shouldn't become parents too early or because they "just shouldn't." What I find most interesting about this is that we express the great blessing our children are to us, but then the main reason we give them for not having sex before marriage is to avoid having their own. I think a lot of kids are confused by this. And then there's the often religious misinterpretation that sex is bad. With a message that is all over the place, it's no wonder we see kids becoming curious and engaging in sexual behavior before marriage.

         When I was preparing for class this week I read an article called "Making a Love Connection". Barbara Dafoe Whitehead and Marline Pearson pointed a out a few key things:

"Survey research tells us that teens would like more guidance, information and conversation with parents and other adults about their early relationships. They want to know how to deal with their feelings and attractions. They seek “bigger” meanings for sex than the health-and-risk avoidance messages they commonly get. They would like alternatives to the sexualized peer culture. To continue to make progress in reducing teen pregnancy, therefore, it is not enough to tell teens to “just say no” or to give them information and access to contraception. The simple truth is that many teens are bored with such messages. It is necessary to find new reasons to inspire and motivate teens to avoid pregnancy and early parenthood. Relationship education offers the promise and possibility of giving teens more compelling reasons to postpone sex."

         It is essential that we take time to help children understand why sex can attribute to a healthy relationship, in marriage, and why it can be so destructive beforehand. While on that topic, defining things that make a healthy relationship and listing some reasons for desiring to have a more intimate and serious relationship, would help direct our youth better and give them motivation to analyze their relationships more closely. I wholeheartedly believe that this will help us to have healthier and closer relationships with our children and build more avenues for trust and openness, while giving them what they want--a little more clarity. If we don't do that, then they will take the worldly interpretations of a "healthy relationship" and use that to define their early dating experiences. What can we do? To put it simply, be honest and pay attention to your child and their questions. It doesn't feel so awkward when you realize that having these conversations in preparation rather than after something undesirable has happened is the best way to approach things.